All We Need Of Hell
by orangesunset12
Summary: Jason calls it stalking. Dick says 'it's not stalking, it's loving your little brother.' (In which questions are raised, and the answers are up to you.)
1. Chapter 1

_If I can stop one heart from breaking,_

 _I shall not live in vain;_

 _If I can ease one life the aching,_

 _Or cool one pain,_

 _Or help one fainting robin_

 _Unto his nest again,_

 _I shall not live in vain._

\- Emily Dickinson

* * *

 **Episode 1: How do you know that you are loved?**

* * *

Jason Peter Todd, currently alive but legally deceased, arose with a sense of anticipation. He wasn't quite sure what that meant, but in his line of business feelings could not be ignored.

Something was different about today. Something was going to happen.

He shook his head and listened to his stomach instead, which was angrily growling at him to eat something.

"Alright, alright," he grumbled to his stomach.

He lazily made his way to the kitchen, opening cupboard by cupboard in search of something to eat that wasn't microwaveable. He settled upon pancakes, taking some pre-made batter and pouring it into a pan. He turned on the stove.

Jason enjoyed these days, these tiny bright parts in his life where crime was at a basic standstill and his worries were normal ones- buying groceries, cooking food, hitting on the chick next door.

Simple things, but simple in their lives was hard to come by.

The pancake turned golden-brown and he scoured around for his favourite plate, frowning when he couldn't find it. Semi-panicking, he kneeled down and started rummaging the lower cupboards, searching for a little flash of red and yellow.

"Looking for this?"

Jason whirled around, breathing out a sigh of relief. "Thanks, Dick. I-" He froze. "Dick?!"

Dick grinned. "Hey, little wing. I must say I'm touched you kept this. I gave it to you, what, a decade ago?"

Jason snatched the plate out of his hands, running his fingers over the giant 'R' stamped on it. And no, he didn't keep it out of some misguided attempt at holding on to his past life. It was simply a sturdy, well-made plate. That was all.

"You- you're in my house," he spluttered.

Dick casually stepped past him, taking a spatula and lifting the pancake.

"Hey," Jason protested. "That is my pancake! And this is my house!"

"Yeah, and that would've been your burnt pancake if I didn't take it off the stove."

"You shut up! And give me that!" He lunged for the spatula, but Dick sidestepped him in a graceful twirl.

"C'mon, Jaybird. I'm just trying to help you," Dick said innocently.

Jason growled. "I don't need your help."

"I'll just put it on your plate-"

"Dick, I swear-"

"Just let me-"

"Dick!"

Jason aimed a wild punch at his face, not expecting to connect. But his fist smashed into Dick's perfect teeth, and he flailed wildly as he crashed onto Jason's floor. The pancake hit the ground with a weak flop.

"Oooh... sorry, little bro," Dick said lightly. Jason could feel his lust for murder rising. "Look, this is perfect! I wanted to take you out anyway. C'mon, I know the perfect place!"

* * *

Jason folded his arms and glared across the table.

Dick hummed brightly, cheerily flipping through the menu. Jason had yet to pick his up- he feared he would rip it to shreds before he could actually read it.

If looks could kill, Dick would be deader than Jason ever was.

"Oooh, they serve waffles! You love waffles, don't you?"

Jason kept glaring.

"And ice cream! Let's get waffles and ice cream, and we can share it like a loving couple-"

"Dick."

"Yes?"

Jason took a deep breath. "What... the _hell were you doing in my house?!_ "

Dick waved his hand, as if it were everyday that he broke into people's houses and murdered their breakfast. Oh, who was he kidding- it was Dick, he probably did do that everyday.

"I wanted to see my favourite resurrected brother, that's all."

"You mean your _only_ resurrected brother."

"The world's so crazy these days, one of us is bound to get the Lazarus treatment too."

"Right." Jason flicked a piece of dirt across the table. "So, besides seeing me, why else did you come?"

"What? That's not enough for you? You think I have hidden intentions?"

"Everyone has hidden intentions," Jason muttered under his breath.

Dick gave him a strange smile. "Well... my apartment back at the 'Haven's been blown up. I was wondering if..."

"...You want to stay with me?"

"Yeah. I mean, it'd be so much fun hanging out together! Just me and you, like the old days."

"But it was never me and you," Jason pointed out. "Speaking of which, why not just go to Bruce? A manor's much nicer than my apartment, I'd bet."

"Oh but Jay, I wanted to be with you!"

"Don't 'Jay' me, Dick. My house is smelly, and dirty, and-"

"-Absolutely wonderful! Bruce and I have always had different tastes. Yours is much closer to mine."

Jason frowned. Usually, Dick would beeline straight for his beloved mentor/father/guardian or whatever, so what was different now?"

"Oh. Oh, I get it," Jason snapped.

Dick blanched. "What? What do you get?"

"You're just sticking with me because you want you want me to attend that annual family meeting, don't you?"

"What?" Dick's face was a mask of perfect confusion. "I didn't even think of that. Oh but are you coming anyway? I heard there's-"

"Nope, nope, I caught you out," Jason smirked triumphantly. "You can't trick me that easily. I am not going to that thing, and you are not staying in my house. End of story."

"But-"

"You can eat the waffles by yourself, Golden Boy. I'll return to my house, alone."

He grinned as he walked out of the store, missing the gleam of determination that passed through Dick's eyes.

* * *

When dealing with Dick, Jason forgot one thing.

His goddamn, impenetrable stubbornness.

His walk home had been completely uneventful, despite the strange guilty feeling settled in the pit of his stomach. But he ignored it, like all the rest of his feelings he didn't want, and shoved deep inside the hole he called the 'I don't give a hole.'

Opening his door, he failed to see the mop of dark hair sitting at his dining table.

"Wow Jay, took the scenic route?"

Jason clutched at his chest as he had a mini heart-attack. "What the- Get out! Dick, I said you're not supposed to be in here!"

"Well, I thought I could change your mind."

"You can't!"

"Really? Well, I'm not going to-"

Jason picked him up by his collar and threw him out of the door.

"Stay," he commanded angrily, before slamming the door in Dick's face.

* * *

Jason sighed, flicking through the channels with impatience. Nothing good was on.

"I suggest the Discovery Channel," a voice chimed. "There's this awesome series with the-"

"DICK!" The door opened, and out he flew once again.

"STAY OUT OF MY HOUSE!"

* * *

He sighed as he mopped the floor. The worst thing about living alone, he had decided long ago, was dealing with the chores. But he'd take that any day above an invasion of privacy, he thought as he glanced around suspiciously.

The house was quiet. Too quiet.

Jason shook his head. No, there was no way Dick was coming in again. He had done a thorough sweep of the house, and all the weak points had been barred and reinforced. No more annoying brothers for the rest of the day- and hopefully, the rest of his life.

He put in his favourite album into the stereo and proceeded to mop in time to it, doing his own little dance. He'd loved to do this since he was a kid. It'd just help to remind him that sometimes, happiness could be found even in the strangest of places-

"Hey, can I join too?"

Jason turned around slowly, and there was Dick, holding a broom and smiling at him. Smiling.

"Uh, Jay?" The smile disappeared. "Why are you looking at me like that-"

There was a crash as the first Robin was sent tumbling through a window, landing in the thorny shrubs below.

"AND _STAY OUT!_ "

* * *

Jason sighed, letting the water drip down his head and over his body.

It had been a long day. A terrible, horrible long day.

He turned the heat up and imagined burning every worry he had off his skin. It felt nice.

Turning the tap off, he reached out for a towel and frowned when he realised he'd forgotten it.

Damn, he thought. Second time this week he'd have to run around naked.

"Do you need this?"

A hand appeared holding a towel. Jason stared at it. He pulled back the curtain, then stared at the man currently sitting on his toilet.

"What the- What the hell?!" he squealed, grabbing the towel and wrapping it around his naked form. "This- oh my god, this is so wrong."

"You didn't lock the door," Dick pointed out. "I know you always forget the towel, so I was just helping you."

"Helping me? How do you know I always forget- oh, never mind. Please get out of here before I murder you!"

"So, I was thinking, we could use an inflatable bed and I could sleep in your room-"

"Oh my god! Please get out of my toilet, I am literally naked right now! Can't we discuss this outside?"

Dick gave him a curious glance. "You'd rather be naked outside?"

"No! Jesus, I mean- just give me my clothes and close your eyes!"

Dick handed him his small bundle of clothes, and Jason snatched them as quickly as he could. His face burned with heat.

"You... my god, Dick. Seriously. This is really far, even for you."

"Well you weren't listening to me-"

"Yes, I was-"

"Well you said no-"

"Exactly! I said no! And you kept on going, even though I kept saying no!"

Jason pulled on his pants, expecting another dismissive response. But none came.

"Alright, Dick, you can open your eyes now," he snapped irritably. "...Dick?"

Dick was still sitting on the toilet, but his knees were pulled up to his chin. He squeezed them tightly.

"...I'm sorry."

Jason blinked. "What?"

"I just wanted to spend time with you," he continued, voice subdued. "I wanted to make things better. But nothing ever gets better. I just make things worse."

"Where is this coming from?" This wasn't like him. No, in all the many years that Jason had known him, he'd never acted like this.

"You said no. I should've stopped... you said no. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry..."

"Whoa, are you crying?" Jason stepped out of the shower, unsure what to do. "Look, it wasn't that bad. I mean I have stalkers all the time. And I'm a stubborn jerk sometimes too, so I totally get it!"

"No you don't!" A little anger leaked into his voice. "I just wanted you to know I love you and now you hate me!"

"I don't hate you!"

"But you don't love me, do you?" Dick sighed angrily. "What's wrong with this family? How is anyone supposed to know you love them if you never say it?!"

Jason flinched. It was true; no-one but Dick really ever said those words. But it wasn't about saying it, was it? It wasn't about making it obvious.

There were different ways to say I love you. And maybe it wasn't on the surface, and maybe it was hard to see, but it was definitely there if you knew how to look.

"C'mon," he said finally.

Dick looked up at him. "Where- where are we going?"

"To set up your inflatable bed." He sighed. "Unless you want the couch, of course."

"You- really?"

"It's only for a few weeks, until you're back on your feet again. And you'd better move before I change my mind."

Jason turned around, but he could almost hear the smile stretch across Dick's face. A moment later he found himself hugged by Dick from behind.

"Dick..." he moaned, though without malice.

Dick flicked him in the forehead. "Just admit you enjoy it," he grinned back.

It was going to be an interesting few weeks.

* * *

 **Hiya, I'm back! As you may have noticed, this story seems to bear the trademark conventions of a story set in my All The Little Birds Universe. I'm not exactly sure where this'd slot in in that continuity, but that's how I wrote it anyway.**

 **Hope you enjoyed, and don't forget to like/review/follow if you did!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Episode 2: Are there shadows you can't escape?**

* * *

It was about three days into Dick's stay at Jason's 'apartment', which was more an animal den than something a human being would stay in. It was more designed for purpose after all- the windows were boarded and then boarded again, the door had about 17 different locks on it, and the hallway was booby-trapped 15 different ways. Which made late-night snacking super difficult, but it was worth the sense of security he got.

Jason had always been obsessed with feeling safe. He'd rather a lonely, sad existence with stability than a roller-coaster life - which, of course, was extremely ironic given his profession and basically everything else about his life.

Which was why, although he hated to admit it, he kind of liked Dick's presence. Something about it made him feel safe, and maybe it was the fact that he was a superhero who could have his back, or maybe it was something more. He didn't look too much into it. But he liked being able to wake up after a nightmare and realise he wasn't alone, that Dick was just a few feet away, snoring like he was playing the tuba.

But then one night he woke up and there was no snoring at all.

Jason bolted up, because if there's one thing he's learned through his life, it was that if you woke up and something was different you were probably kidnapped and/or dead. He felt the familiar linen of his bedding and breathed a sigh of relief.

Okay, still in his apartment. But where was Dick?

He stood up slowly, listening to the soft creak of the wooden floorboards beneath him. Threading his way through the hallway, he made his way to the kitchen to find Dick making a ridiculously large sandwich.

"Hey, if you were going to make a midnight snack, you could've at least invited me."

Dick jumped, and turned around to face Jason.

"Oh, Jay, it's you," Dick said. His voice came out as a half-whisper.

Jason looked at Dick's face, specifically at the wetness on his cheeks. He was suddenly at a loss for words.

"You want some?" The older man gestured to the sandwich, which was basically two pieces of bread around everything in Jason's fridge.

He frowned. "You're going to die if you eat that."

"Yeah, well, you did it, and it wasn't so bad right?"

This was all wrong. Dick never joked about Jason's death, not once in all the years he'd come back. It made his stomach knot up in painful ways.

"Is there something you want to ask me?" Dick asked. He looked at Jason expectantly, almost hopefully.

"I..." Jason cleared his throat. "Um, well, we should probably go back to sleep. You can... you can finish that sandwich by yourself. I'm not hungry."

He turned abruptly to go back to the bedroom. Jason had never been good with this sappy, comforting stuff - that was what Dick was for. He was the one who would comfort the family, the best one at this 'feelings' thing. Jason had never thought it could be so hard.

He couldn't shake the feeling he had done something wrong. That night, his dreams were all shapeless shadows.

* * *

Dick was whistling a happy tune as he put the bread in the toaster.

Jason couldn't stop staring at him. There was no trace that last night ever happened, except that it must've, because there was so little food in the fridge. But Dick was Dick again, smiling and laughing without a care in the world, and parts of the puzzle just weren't fitting together.

"Jaybird, I know I'm good looking, but you've got to stop staring."

Jason flushed. "Maybe I'm staring 'cause you're ugly, Dick."

"Me? Ugly? The magazines beg to differ! I was ranked hottest Gothamite two years in a row!"

"That's only because I'm dead," Jason interjected. "If the public could see me now, I bet you'd never top the list again."

"Keep telling yourself that, little wing." Dick pulled the toast out and put it on a plate, spreading peanut butter and jam over the surface. Jason turned back to scrambling his eggs.

"Dick," he said, hesitatingly.

"Hmm?"

"Last night, I-"

"That's alright." Dick cut him off.

"But I-"

"It's done now. Let's not talk about it anymore."

Jason couldn't help but stare at him again. "But Dick, what-"

"I'm fine, okay? Why don't you just mind your own business!"

He turned away from Jason, bread left half spread. The silence pressed on both of them like a wet blanket.

"Sorry," Dick said finally. "I've just been... stressed lately. You know, with- with my apartment being blown up and all."

"...I understand," Jason replied, knowing they were both lying.

The rest of breakfast passed in silence.

* * *

"What do you want, Jason?"

The suspicion in his voice might've been deserved, but Jason still found himself frowning. He hadn't tried to kill Tim in years, the kid could cut him some slack for once.

"Geez, Tim, lighten up a little. Let's go inside first."

Tim raised an eyebrow but didn't protest as Jason pushed open the door to the diner, leading the way to a corner booth away from prying eyes. A sandy haired waitress skated by, dropping off a menu before going off to another table to pick up some orders.

"You want anything?" Jason asked casually.

Tim rolled his eyes. "How long are you going to pretend you called me out here just to have lunch?"

"Wow, Replacement, you hurt me. Maybe I just want to spend time with you for once! Is that so unbelievable?"

Tim sent him a look.

"Okay, yeah, it is pretty improbable," Jason receded. "I... need to talk to you."

"About what?"

"...It's about Dick."

Jason could practically hear the gears whirring in Tim's head. His eyes brightened, and he leaned forward a little. "What about him?"

"I think- I think there's something wrong with him."

Tim's expression was unreadable. "Something wrong with him? What?"

"I don't know! That's why I called you here, Mr World's-Greatest-Detective. He showed up in my house around a week ago, and at first I thought it was the same old annoy-Jason-until-he-becomes-family trick, but now I'm not so sure. Because he's acting... strange."

"Strange?"

"Yeah, like... he wouldn't leave me alone for ages, even when I said no, but then suddenly when I confront him he breaks down crying. And a few nights ago I caught him crying again, and then he tells me not to mention it, and he says he's fine but I know he's not! He's not fine! He's-"

"Jason," Tim interrupted. "Breathe."

Jason shook his head. "That's weird, right? He just- he shows up at my house because his apartment blew up, not at the manor, not at your apartment- isn't that just a little weird?"

"Wait- his apartment blew up?"

"Yeah, that's why I let him stay with me at all!"

Tim frowned as he took out his phone. "I have a tracker on news about everyone's apartments, and-"

"You what? Are you sure you're not Bruce's biological son?"

"It's useful," Tim said dismissively. "And, anyway, there was no news on an explosion. As far as I know, nothing happened to his house."

Jason blinked. "What- you think he lied?"

"I don't know. You're right, Jason, something about this isn't right. I think I'll talk to Bruce and see whether anything happened to Dick recently. In the meantime-" Tim checked his watch. "Crud, I have to go."

"What? But we didn't even order anything."

"I'll grab something to go." Tim stood up, then paused. "Jason?"

"Yeah?"

Tim shifted, and suddenly he reminded Jason of the first time he'd saw him, young and bright and scared. "You'll make sure Dick's alright, right?"

"Yeah. Yeah, of course."

Tim smiled briefly, then turned and walked out of the diner.

* * *

Dick was watching TV when Jason got back.

"Hey," he greeted brightly, turning around to face Jason.

"Dick."

His smile wavered at Jason's tone. "Yes, Jason?"

"You told me your apartment blew up."

"Yes..."

"I talked to Tim today."

"Oh." Dick had that same strange smile that he had worn when he had told Jason the lie. "I'm sorry, Jason, but I didn't think you'd let me stay here if I had my own apartment."

"So you lied to me? Why? Why are you here, Dick?"

"Because it'd be so much fun hanging out together-"

"Stop lying to me!" Jason tried to keep his voice in check, but when he got confused he got angry, and now he was really, really angry. "You could've gone to Bruce, or Tim, or even Barbara! But you came here, and I want to know why."

Dick's eyes flashed. "Well, if it matters to you so much, then I might as well leave."

"Wait, Dick-"

But he was already moving, marching to the exit. Jason grabbed his arm with a little more force than he intended.

"Dick-"

" _Don't touch me!_ "

Jason drew his hand back as if it had stung. Dick's eyes were wide and almost deranged, staring at Jason with a fear that he couldn't comprehend. Because he'd never seen Dick look like that before.

"Hey, I didn't mean to hurt you," Jason soothed, trying to keep his voice steady. He took a step forward. "I-"

"No! Don't come close to me!"

"Dick, if something's wrong, I want to help you-"

"Nothing's wrong, I'm just leaving okay? Please leave me alone. Please."

"I'm not going to hurt you." Jason took another step forward, and he reached out his hand.

Big mistake.

Dick's eyes widened in fright and he swung out, catching Jason on the jaw. He tasted blood as he crashed onto the ground, the dust on the floor swirling around him. He stared, dazed, at the wood.

His brain couldn't process what was happening. He just knew something was wrong.

"Oh god, Jason." It was Dick's voice. "Oh my god, I didn't mean to, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

Jason coughed up a bit of blood. "Dick..."

"Oh god, I hurt you. I hurt you. I can't- I'm sorry Jason, this was a mistake-"

"No." Jason's head was buzzing. "Dick, wait!"

But Dick was already gone.

* * *

 **So FINALLY, here's the next chapter of All We Need Of Hell! I'd originally conceived a different idea for this chapter (something about the Outlaws, with Roy and Kori), but that just didn't work with the story I had.**

 **Anyway, now that the mystery is unravelling for Jason, and doubtless many of you have already guessed, this is a story dealing with the aftermath of Tarantula and her rape of Dick. If you're uncomfortable with rape, I won't portray it graphically but it might be best for you not to read further. The portrayal of trauma here is obviously not 100% accurate, so please bear that in mind as well.**

 **Anyway, thank you for reading, and please like/follow/review if you enjoyed it.**


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